I have had this eating disorder for about, maybe almost a year now. It took me a while to actually grasp that it was a problem. I just thought, why does food just constantly stay on my mind? I didn’t know what else to think of it. I thought there were only 2 eating disorders: anorexia & bullimia. But “I didn’t make myself throw up and I definitely didn’t starve myself, so I didn’t have a problem. Maybe it’s just something people do?” was my train of thought. Now that I know I have it, it has become definitely more of an issue. I gained a lot of weight and my doctor told me to lose weight. I mean, I am not obese. Nowhere near it. But I am terrified of getting huge because of this issue.
In my Skills For Life class in 8th grade, we read over eating disorders, and binge eating was one of them. Everything matched up with me.
Symptoms like:
- the self esteem issues
- the guilt after a binge episode
- the LARGE amounts of food being eaten
- and of course, the secrecy of my hidden food in my closet & drawers.
(There are more symptoms than this, these are just the ones that match up with me the most)
I mean, I would eat 6 cookies, 2 glasses of milk, 8 pieces of candy, and about 5 different meals all in about 30 minutes. I could just eat and eat and eat so much that I would be in intense pain and could hardly move. Then I would feel so guilty about ALL of the hidden wrappers from my family. Just, everything is horrible about this disorder. I am writing this now because I am challenging myself to quit and lose 50lbs before school gets out next year.
I am leaving everything anonymous. I am not an open person to people I know about this. I just want people to hear me.
So,
Last binging episode: today.
Days w/out binging: 0.
